I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
