the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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