I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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