this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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