Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
