i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
