I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
