You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we're so committed to being not committed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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