six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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