Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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