Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
someone owes me an orgasm
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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