I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
