Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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