i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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