Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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