i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
