So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Boobs are out for the taking
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
