We're like a lot better than the average bears
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
