My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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