my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
