She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
