The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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