Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
