at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize