i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
