where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
