Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
