Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
