I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
