i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
