just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
