Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
