as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
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