We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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