Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
