i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize