I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
