I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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