Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize