is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
