sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
