seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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