My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I love having hate sex.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
