guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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