My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
