Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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