I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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