Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is my gift to your gina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
