Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
only you would photoshop your dick
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
