new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
