She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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