I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
