i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come see our sink grown plant.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
