You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
this hospital has no fireball
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
