Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
