So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
