i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
