I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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