I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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