Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
