So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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