OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
