Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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