She's JV to your varsity
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
