you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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