Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
