dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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