im holly from the hills drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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