Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
