Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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