I am spending my child support on dildos
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
